Everyone Screws Up!
I have a pair of flowery, sassy socks stitched to read “Screwing Up is Part of the Program.” You can see them here if you like: https://www.amazon.com/Blue-Womens-Screwing-Program-Socks/dp/B00IG8SZRS
Thinking errors contribute to the way we feel, so we address them in cognitive-behavioral therapy. They’re insidious, possibly destructive, definitely anxiety-provoking and totally common. Why does it matter? Well, when we’re thinking a certain way it affects our attitude, our choices, our beliefs. If it’s possible to think in a more useful way that helps you cope better, why not do it? When I was a kid, I felt like if I got even one spelling mistake on a test I had failed. Even though, literally, that was far from failing on the test.
All-or-Nothing Thinking is something we talk about in cognitive behavioral therapy. It’s when you give yourself two options and only two, and each are extremes. It’s also called black-and-white thinking. “I want to lose 50 lbs. I need to eat healthy from now on. If I can’t make the effort to eat healthy all the time, I shouldn’t even bother trying.” “I studied so hard for that test and I only got a B. What a waste of time!”
All-or-Nothing thinking is so perfectionistic. People aren’t perfect, it’s not a part of being human. So that’s why it’s an error in thinking. If you believe that error and act on it, you will be disappointed sooner or later. And you’ll probably pretty anxious because it’s so demanding to live to an extreme all the time.
If you instead recognize and congratulate your effort, and give yourself multiple options for success, you are more likely to be satisfied and probably still meet a performance goal. Just because you can’t accomplish wonderful things to a certain extent or within a certain period of time, doesn’t mean they’re not still wonderful.
Here are some options you can use to help soften all-or-nothing thinking: “I’ve come a long way!, I’m proud of my effort, I’m having fun and learning healthy habits along the way.”
When you catch yourself using all-or-nothing thinking, stop and ask if those are really the only two options. This applies to changing any habit. Focus on baby steps, the overall picture, and be grateful for your results.
